The Sanskrit word karma implies that individual actions can trigger cycles of cause and effect cycles that may continue after the death of the body. Relationship disappointments such as abuse, abandonment, suicide, abortion and betrayal leave imprints on people, their families and their children, which result in obsessions, fixations and compulsions.ĭo you have unwanted habits of thought, speech or behavior? Are you making choices – or repeating past behaviors, rather like a laboratory animal in a maze? (While many people repeat what works – some people endlessly repeat what doesn’t work!) Until they clarify and assimilate their family secrets!Ĭross-Generational Enmeshments (Family Karma) They may be unable to enjoy healthy partnership or parenthood Some people cannot maintain healthy relationships. You will likely confuse your family, and perhaps start a chain reaction which can affect your children and even future generations. If a conversation gets too close to the truth, or if you are unsure whether or not your secret is still secret, you may feel and express anger, fear, sadness or guilt. Clarity may be painful, but it can help avoid depression and help manage grief and loss.įamily secrets can trigger strong emotions. Some people put their lives on hold or avoid further relationships. Secrets motivate obsessions, compulsions or fixations. Sometimes there’s no easy way out.ĭoing nothing or pretending to forget may seem the safest and easiest course of action, but suppressing emotions often has toxic consequences – for yourself, your partner and your children. Actions have emotional and relationship consequences. For example, if a child uses a parent’s computer and finds pornography or emails about extra-marital affairs – that child may confront the parent, or tell the other parent, or delete the files, or say and do nothing. Both telling and not-telling can have strong consequences. We often see what people cannot say.ĭisclosing family secrets can be difficult. We can recognize many behaviors that suggest certain emotional or relationship problems. We help people unpack and sort out their emotional baggage. As we help people clean up their emotional laundry baskets, we have learned some important things about emotional stains … and we have become rather effective at emotional stain-removal. Laundry workers are experts on stains, and they might tell you a surprising amount about your life based on the stains on your clothes.

Alcohol, pornography or extra-marital affairs are single frames of movies that started a long time ago.

When do family secrets start? Many things can be “starts” – finding a family member’s secret bottles, hidden porn or letters from overly friendly friends – but those are not starts. Someone knows or may talk about your secrets! Hearing what you cannot say You may feel anger, fear or distress if you suspect that If you are hiding secrets, you are probably hiding strong emotions. Secret-keepers (and their children) carry heavy emotional burdens. People express their darkest secrets in their everyday lives. I often say that there’s no such thing as family secrets. Cross-Generational Enmeshments (Family Karma).Dangers of staying quiet © Martyn Carruthers

Hidden family secrets